Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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