My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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