That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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