I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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