a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
