would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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