I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
