guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
