The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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