I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
50% drunk capacity currently
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
