Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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