I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
