Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
