I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
