i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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