she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
