I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
