There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
