I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize