Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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