we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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