this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
