chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
