There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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