dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
