Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize