I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
