can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
