she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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