Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
