I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
