Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
