The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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