Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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