I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
