But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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