I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
