its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
