It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
should my penis look like a turkey
She even gives head with a lisp.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize