is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
