are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
