Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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