guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
