your parents love me but you hate me
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
