It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
