I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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