No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
