clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
