I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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