after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
