Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
