Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
