But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dignity is for republicans.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
