this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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