it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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