Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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