Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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