We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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