You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize