Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
