Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize