Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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