Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
