i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
