I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
