If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Semen is not good for contacts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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