I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
