Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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