Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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