He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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