okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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