why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
