I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
