It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize