I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
