so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
