Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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