Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
