you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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