Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
