the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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