what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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