Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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