i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
