I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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