We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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