Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
