I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
