my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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