i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
