All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
