what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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