If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
