I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
