Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize