If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize